Can you never rest or take prolonged satisfaction from your achievements? Do you feel as if you’re on a self imposed treadmill?
If you do, you might ask yourself if you are running away from your shadow?
There are times when you just have to put in a shift to get the work done.
But there’s a whole other arena of escape into workaholism.
When we cannot sit alone with our thoughts or be alone with ourselves, but instead seek constant stimulation. Even if that’s at our desk.
It can be an addiction of which society approves, largely. The workaholic receives praise for their dedication, for the long hours they put in. Our society values that kind of “productivity contribution”.
But it can be masking something. The addiction and trauma specialist Gabor Maté talks about his workaholism and how it was an escape from his own trauma.
I’m not suggesting that every workaholic is running from trauma but it’s worth asking yourself this question if you are workaholic:
Is there something that you’re running from? Are you comfortable sitting and being, not doing?
Could you get a better balance between being and doing in your life?
The problems and the challenges arise when we derive our sense of value solely from doing. When we define ourselves by our job and accomplishments.
Doing so does not nourish your soul or forge connection with self and others, and it does not sustain you when the going gets tough.
I remember when I had been kidnapped and held hostage in Iran, none of my accomplishments through which I defined myself mattered. They all fell
away. All that was left was myself, the essence of me and that was how II
engaged with my captors – human being to human being. It was through that interaction – as well as all the work that went on behind the scenes in the Foreign Office – that we secured our release. Not my achievements, my
being.
I often work with clients who struggle with a dynamic of doing versus being. To help look at this we go back to the childhood patterns, to the conditioning. Sometimes inadvertently, parents can set up a dynamic by praising us extensively when we do well but maintaining silence when we are just being, leading us to conclude we’re only worth something when we’re achieving.
I’m not criticising parents. I’m a very imperfect one myself. Every parent is,
that’s the human condition, we do the best we can but nonetheless legacies are created and they are not always good ones, not always helpful to us in adult life.
They can be very helpful to help us achieve and to climb the ladder, but when we’re already high up the ladder then it’s time to stop and look around and to begin to engage with being, with silence, with pauses between achievements, otherwise life is just an endless ladder and you have to keep climbing or you fear falling off.
If this resonates then get in touch and we can explore working together.
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